all abt me again

I have to pen it down somewhere.

2011-08-08T11:06:00.001+10:00

So here it is. Beyonce's 'Best thing I never had' isn't working at the moment. I'm hurting. There. I said it.

something new

2009-10-22T22:55:00.002+11:00

well... there IS one thing new in my life since december =)

i got myself a pair of inline skates. yeayyyy... my attempt to keep fit. but as usual, the plans will always go awry. i was all ready to skate to east coast and back when i found out that the park connector was undergoing some repair and the make-do road was anything but a road. aaaand it was dark too. what happened to the lights? for show only?

=P

oh well, when the doctor said to stay away from my inline skates for a week, i never expected for her to mean a month.

cheh!

hello!

2009-10-22T02:06:00.002+11:00

*blows dust off this old little space*

same ol same ol.

since last december.

went for another holiday in june. gave me a different perspective on the religion. i feel different about it too. its not only the experience, its also the book i was introduced to about the Prophet (pbuh). now i want to practice the religion because i want to, not coz i feel obligated to. it was inspiring. the book and the holiday.

anyhoos, still keeping my options open. another work environment, another degree, another anything.

btw, mum thinks mariah carey's fatter than me.

mums are the best (at such times).

woots!

2009-03-16T23:09:00.002+11:00

how's everybody? i'm still doing good, alhamdulilah. been doin lotsa thinking.... i want so many things! and i still want to continue wuth my studies. the local uni doesn't offer what i want and its too expensive to go overseas again. if i were to get some organisation to sponsor me, i still need to do 1 year full time (or 2 years part-time) on my own first. and that'll take eons..... if i were to do it next year, i'll finish when i'm 29.

then i gotta work for at least a year. that'll make me 30.

then i can start with the sponsorship program. that's another 2 years. that'll make me 32.

and then the 3 year bond. i'll be 35 then.

actually, the bond and the extra 5 years of studies aren't the issue. i don't intend to stay in this line for long. i want to jump ship around the same time my partner-at-work leaves. coz knowing my manager, she'll give me shit. she'll put the blame on me when he leaves. just like when he took a loooong time to do the homevisit interview when we had a meeting at the same time. we ended up not going for the meeting (i was accompanying him) and its my fault because i was working there before him and i'm 'supposed' to lead him. whatthehell?

but! its not that my manager's pissing and blaming me all the time. so far, alhamdulilah, i haven't stepped on anybody's toes. and i hope it remains that way. oh well, God knows what's best for me and we'll see where my future takes me. rezeki is in His hands anyways.

on to another topic!

i went to Kashmir last dec and fell in love with the men *ehem!* and the beauty of the country itself (and the men. heh!). rajasthan was a fantastic experience because of the historical value (which is so underrated! anyone who loves ancient relics and ancient architecture and palaces MUST go to rajasthan!). next holiday, i think i'll go somewhere just as historic as well. this time, with christian influence in a historical Muslim country. what's with me and persia? lets not analyse.

okay, till next update. bye.

ps: i'm wondering how milles and lowell are doing. shout out to both of you! i've got your photos in my office and i'll get lost in the memories whenever i miss my time there. =)

BOO!

2009-02-23T02:04:00.002+11:00

hello! how's everyone? i'm doing okay. like my job. like the nurses that i've to work with. doctors are fine. i just HATE the pay. too little. i need more in order to buy 'that thing' that i want/need.

aaaanyways, moving on...

i just realised that 'she' has a personality disorder. i'd love to shut her up when she nags but i don't want God to be angry with me. so i don't know what to do. if i were to let her go on, some part of my life will be cursed. shut her up, i'll bear with the consequences by Him. how ah?

and! did u just hear the news? about the skills upgrading thing for professionals? where the cost of the course may be reimbursed for up to 90%? kewl eh? answer to my prayers. okay, we'll see how it goes!

by the way

i still love kashmir.

*bliss*

Kashmir

2008-12-29T16:17:00.001+11:00

I left a piece of my heart here...

yeargh!

2008-11-28T19:44:00.000+11:00

i feel so *bleargh* right now. i need to go out.

yeesh!

i tried

2008-11-23T15:56:00.001+11:00

okay, forget it. the pictures are up on my facebook. check them out there then.

oops...

2008-11-23T15:05:00.002+11:00

i was just about to upload Zila's wedding photos but the macbook doesn't show the photos but the detail only. errmmm.... i'll just upload them on my facebook yeah? maybe then i'll be able to upload them here.

on another note, dad's not doing too good. apart from the slipped disc from last year, dad's suffering from some form of a pinched nerve thing- he can't walk, stand or sit much. and to add insult to injury, he's suffering from wear and tear of his eye. the specialist suspects that his gel in the eyes are leaking but they can't detect any tear in his eyeball. don't expect me to know all the medical terms- i work in the madhouse, not in a medical centre. dad'll get many black spots in his eye at random times and it'll block half of his sight- in one eye. i just saw him blinking and blinking and blinking while reading the papers, like he's got really dry eyes for wearing contact lenses (kinda like what i usually do *winks*).

i'm just afraid that dad'll go before i can let him reap the benefits of investing in me, know what i mean? he's still the same person like everyday but you just can't help but notice the changes.

wahlauey!

2008-11-03T19:08:00.002+11:00

kurus kedengkek (skinny fart?) is NEVER a compliment.

tips to lose weight?
live with my mother.

the canteen aunty made me eat rice when i bought food from her. she wanted me to eat the rice so much so that she didn't charge me for it, even when i insisted to pay (but i still had to pay for the eggs and eggplant dish).

and what's up with people commenting my physique today? first the nurses. then the stranger. wth?

on the other note....

eid came and went.
nothing special, as usual.

then it was zila's wedding. i love! not many photos taken though. i'll see if i'm in the mood to post photos in the future.

and i'm going off for a holiday!
i might just bump into my relatives there.
and no, i'm not talking about monkeys.

whoa

2008-10-15T17:13:00.002+11:00

wow.... i've been away from this little space of mine for so long. well... some advancements in my life (not in love life though *winks*)

well...

for one, i finished my studies (for the time being. anyone willing to sponsor me to the next level?)

two, i went through the grad ceremony (mum was more excited).

three, i got the job. hate the pay, love the work. bleargh.

four.... no four la. three developments in a year and a half (since i came back) is good enough. no plans to get a car, but i've the thought of getting a driving license though. hmmm.... can think about that later.

for the time being, i'd like to continue with what i'm doing first till i become an expert at what i'm supposed to do.

hey, dealing with mental criminals can be a bit... well.... mental at times.

now what?

2008-07-21T19:48:00.002+10:00

i've heard and seen mixed reactions and it makes me realise that i've SO much to learn from the mental health sector, esp here in singapore. i'm afraid yet i think i can do it. i want it yet i fear about what he thinks of me. i want to perform but i need to know what is expected of me. its all so damn serious and i have to remind myself that i'm not alone. at the end of the day, i only have myself to hold me back. i'm sure i can do it with His help. be with me God. i so need You right now.

one month from tomorrow and we'll find out how it goes.

all i pray for is that i exceed any expectations and that i love it. not too much to ask for, i hope.

dilemma

2008-07-16T19:40:00.002+10:00

KL this weekend or NDP preview?

i get all patriotic and shit when i go NDP and i lurrve it! and of course, the hotmeninuniform (speaking of which, i've a session tonight in prison. wootwoot!) *grinz*

for KL, the prospect of meeting up with darling MIlles (its been over a year) and her little munchkin (babysitting offer still stands). the shopping (thinking of getting baju raya), but definitely not he food (sis and i are fasting for rejab, Insya'Allah).

OH SHIT! I'VE A CAMP THIS FRIDAY AND I PROMISED THEM I'LL COME!!!
i knew i had something on. that's why i couldn't make the decision to go KL straight away. alamaaak! sheesh!

okay, decision made. KL, next time. sorry Milles.

this.... i HAVE to share

2008-07-14T03:07:00.002+10:00

i've been having this part time gig in prison for half a year.... i've about 10 'clients' so far. 1 has absconded, 3 have been released (Alhamdulilah). 1 is about to go on his long home-leave (tagging. this means that he doesn't have to report back to 'camp' anymore).

for all of these 'clients', before they're allowed to go out to work, they're supposed to fiil up a needs assessment form. one question that all of them are asked will be about their intention to abscond (of course, they ALL say they won't). the questins that follows will be 'what will make you abscond'. so far, they've given me model answers. which goes along the lines of 'i will never do it', 'won't do it for the sake of my family', etc, etc....... this last one will be my classic answer, the model answer, the icing on the cake of all 'loyar burok' answer...

qtn: what will make you abscond?
ans: when war break out in singapore.

kwangkwangkwang

i almost fell off my seat laughing at his answer.
joker.

what i ask for this year

2008-07-09T16:15:00.002+10:00

bestie asked what i wanted this year and she got me thinking.....

well..... i'd rather get the tangible things myself.....

i took many many hours to think about it...

something meaningful......

and knowing how i'd like to 'celebrate' it on the day itself....

the thought struck when i was showering (who says you can't be philosphical while in the loo?)....

i'd want all my muslim friends to go solat Terawih with me on the 31st Aug or on 1st Sept itself....

don't worry, my terawih play cheat one. 8 raka'at only. bawah block- so there's air circulation.
*grinz*

ps: and if u're not here with me, i hope you still go terawih and doa for me.

5 AM (7 AM AEST)

2008-07-03T07:01:00.003+10:00

i'm still up. struggling is an understatement. i'm battling the exhaustion, till Subuh at least, and am trying to complete the research. my mind refuses to think anymore, my eyes don't want to read any statistical mumbo jumbo and my ass' screaming for a rest. yes, i've been squashing my bum for the longest time. my back is aching and my eyes are exceptionally heavy.

i switched on the radio just so i can hear the morning Adhan so i can pray (on time) and go to sleep.

i have an idea on how to go about the remainder of the research but the mind simply stopped working- five hours ago. i'm producing the results and analysis through sudden bursts of energy and inspiration from the chicken nuggets i've been munching on. its like nothing, nothing, nothing and then suddenly i'm furiously typing away for 5 minutes. and then i'm back in the daze.... nothing. nothing. nothing...... kepish?

i'm so worked up that all i've been doing to escape from being stuck in front of the laptop is eat. eat. eat. eat. even mum finds it worrying. and she's normally worried that i eat too little (that's what she usually thinks anyways).

so here i am, waiting for The Call to perform my Islamic duties as a good Muslim (i try la)...........

i'll go back into my trance till then.

ps: pray for me that i do well, please?

final assignment

2008-06-26T21:30:00.002+10:00

this reaserch paper is so mind boggling that i have no freaking idea where or how to start. and the best part is tt the lecturer refuses to see anyone face-to-face coz she 'BUSY'.

busy my pretty black arse!

my FINAL module
my FINAL assignment
and it has to be this arduous.

its do or die.......

haiyaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

i need to DO it and PASS- at LEAST. i'll be ecstatic with a P....

and i plan to finish it by this weekend! argh!

killah

2008-06-24T00:18:00.002+10:00

not kila as in shakila the name.... more like *insert oz accent* killer!

my final research paper is nothing but a pain.

i need all the miracle in the whole wide world like, right now, back pain, shoulder ache and hanging wrist can all take a backseat for now. my mind is occupied with the final paper ONLY.

pat on my back

2008-06-23T04:56:00.003+10:00

or more like a massage for my back- at least!

i love pauline
i love paul
i love peter
i love tim
i love lynn

but julia's killing me.

whatever it is, i'm gonna get my massage. batam or frankel, i'm gonna go get it once i hand in julia's research stuff. 1 more barbaric paper to go. oh God, please give me all the strength and intelligence. make rice stupid for a moment and give me her intelligence just so i can finish it all up. please?

ps: i'm still jobless. no interview, no acknowledgement from them receiving my resume. don't be sorry for me, pray that i get a good job (in every sense) a.s.a.p. if not for me, for my parents. tenkiuk.

*grinz*
one more paper
one more paper
one more paper

of aches and pains

2008-06-17T14:40:00.001+10:00

the more i think about my research, the more my shoulder (the one with the tear) aches.

its psychosomatic i tell you.

my fantasy men (well, just one of them-for now).

2008-06-16T04:34:00.002+10:00

mark's got TWO kids? sheesh! spoiler! i can have the greatest crush on any eccentric/intriguing men but once i know that they're married (esp married with kids).....*POOF*.... i no-like them anymore.

menwithwives=hugeturnoff

nightmare

2008-06-14T20:18:00.002+10:00

i'm still in the same 'ol unit 2 in 'gong, sharing the apartment with my cat, shehmoo.

i went away for 3 days and shehmoo forgot who i was.

*GASP* (and i woke up)

how can i even think of visiting shehmoo when i know he's already forgotten who i am?
can you hear my heart breaking?

i'm living in a pressure cooker

2008-06-12T02:51:00.002+10:00

having a dad that shoves the recruit section of the papers into your face every morning, literally, is not a nice feeling.

for that, i've been aaplying to any and every job that i can apply for. i even applied for a position as a special needs teacher. hey, applied behavioral analysis courses will be part of the package. why the hell not ey?

i'm just praying hard that God'll give me a job that i'll be passionate about coz working in an environment that i hate will simply destroy me emotionally, mentally and physically.

no more punk-ass work attitude. hello level-headed Jules.

yeah, as if. pfft! i'm still gonna be me. just more politically right this time round. *wink*wink*

hormonal

2008-06-10T22:02:00.002+10:00

last night, i asked dad to buy me a block o' cadbury hazelnut chocolate. he did...... partly. when i was handed the block o' chocolate downside-up, i skipped to the dining table and turned it over. and froze. i thought it was a joke. dad bought ROASTED ALMOND. how can HAZELNUT sound like ROASTED ALMOND? i've loved hazelnut eversince i was given chocolate (that was a really really long time ago). how can he, my-biological-dad-whom-i've-lived-with-all-my-life (minus two years plus), forget that i love hazelnut chocolate?

i was so disappointed, i wanted to cry.

tsk!

like i said.... i'm hormonal. no, nothing about PMS. it the final two research papers. its stressing me out like the world is stopping.

oh well..... at least he remembered i wanted cadbury.

and yeah, i'm back to reading harry potter.

ps: sis got me my hazelnut. heh! yeah, that's also why i CAN write about it now. i've gotten over it by getting the right one this time. some people..... so easy to please, huh?

Puss in tops

2008-06-06T12:05:00.002+10:00

my bestie, Puss, has come up with her own blog (together with her cousins and sister) to sell stuff. okay, not just tops. if u like preppy, quaint and eye-catching clothes (that are tasteful, of course) and are not shy to be compared to the likes of Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse (although they're not THAT extreme in the photos) do drop by, browse and buy from them. one of them flies around the world and u can bet u won't get to see 'doubles' here.

oh, and most importantly, they're cheap.

www.raisrunways.blogspot.com
(i dunno how to insert link on a mac la)

ps: or you can just click on the link on the left.

of all the important things to do.......

2008-05-30T19:48:00.002+10:00

i'm checking out the rental list on the uni website.

gwyenneville
wollongong
north wollongong

soon baybeh! soon.

you know when u have to do something really important and you just don't wanna do it?

2008-05-30T17:15:00.002+10:00

well.... i've got just that sickness. heh!

so there, a new tagboard.

next, i'd wanna re-new the old and outdated links. so you can tag (ehem! since i've got a new one) me and tell me your link.

ps: miles, dah beranak? *grinz*

just a little bit more

2008-05-29T17:14:00.002+10:00

3k words till saturday night.

3 more assignments till 27th june.

i'll be as free as any unconvicted person around.

should i? shouldn't i?

2008-04-16T12:46:00.002+10:00

its recruiting like anyone now. it used to be very 'high class' and exclusive but due to the turnover rate, its accepting even those who are even bigger than i am..... desperate times, desperate measures huh?

everybody thinks i can make it...... but i seriously doubt so. with the ugly toenails and the seasonal acne breakouts..... and the fact that if i were to be rejected.... i'll feel so
dejected
devastated
depressed
disappointed
(4 'd's equates to a mental health disorder. heh! but its not these 'd's tho. its deviation from the norm, distressing, etc).

and of course, i'll have the parents (or mum rather) to psycho.

i'll definitely continue with the counselling if i were to work there.....

decisions decisions

BOO!

2008-04-10T03:07:00.002+10:00

heyyyyyyy!

howzit going?

i managed to clear my previous trimester.... cleared everything. i've never been more tied up in my life. what with the family service centre every single day, the 4 demanding modules, the case presentation and tuition. heh! tuition. pfft!

i'm supposed to have 3 tuition gigs. let me name them.
pasir ris tuition
mango* tuition, and
tuition centre (where i'm given a class of monkeys)- i hate it.

mango tuition disappeared on me.... we got to the 7th lesson and she had to disappear..... i'l love to continue but what can i do? i hope the family's not in any trouble.

anyways, i'm still very much involved with the family service centre. i learn about the running of programmes and its really enriching. i'd rather be there and not be paid than be paid and remain unhappy at the tuition centre.

this leads to the tuition centre.

the principal's threatening to sue me if i quit. i tendered my resignation because i won't be attending regularly. i need to go to prison (i've clients there too) every fortnightly on saturdays and i don't think it'll be good for the students at the tuition centre to have me, an irregular teacher, teach them. besides, i'll have the family, children and youth programmes from the centre too. i told the tuition centre about this before i signed the contract and they said to just inform them in advance if i can't come. desperation at its maximum (just my opinion). well, my stupidity to believe that everyone's nice and operate on goodwill. tsktsktsk. they made me sign the contract when i was about to leave the lesson for the day, in a hurry and said that i have to sign the contract before i go. i don't even have time to read and think about it and they didn't even put me on probabtion.

lesson learnt.

i can't be nice to certain groups of people. i have to be more firm and i don't have to be nice and help everyone. there are theose who don't deserve my kindness. God doesn't expect me to. God would love it more if i were to help animals then those people there.

ps: hello Milles! i want to see you at 33+ weeks. e-mail me laaaa.....
*muacks!*

gee_jamz@hotmail.com (HEH!)

sniff sniff

2008-01-27T15:12:00.000+11:00

i smell city beach!

but first, i'll get all my assignments done and over with.

2008-01-21T03:51:00.000+11:00

1st enrty of the year. '07 was shitty. of course, i count my blessings. i was shitty, i gave alot of people shit. at least my genuine friends stuck by me no matter how difficult i was. i pity those who were affected and i'm really sorry. i guess shit happens for a reason (or many reasons). the transition hasn't been easy and i'm still trying.

so here's the effort to begin the new year with... bestie's sister's wedding (although there aren't any pictures of him, at all here). hopefully, you can upload them and pass them to us yeah?

when you're dead tired, you buy ice-cream from the ah pek
(he's at the background, under the big brolly)

this is before i removed the flowers from my head
i love flowers

i brought home many many flowers

did i mention that i love flowers?

all glammed up before the wedding

after the prawns *sheesh!*

tweet! tweet! tweet! ROARRRRRRR

i almost went blind after this coz i was staring at the lights
(i saw stars for a long time after that)

flower head

i love her to bits

how can i not?

follow up

2007-12-29T05:43:00.000+11:00

well, today, we brought the mother to see her veryvery sick daughter to the hospital. i managed to clock in another 5 hours because of this but it is a really lousy feeling. its really disheartening to see the son declaring that he's got no more mother or sister anymore. then why come to the hospital ey? mom apologised about the past and requested that he take care of his sister if she dies. her final favour before she dies. well.... son remained arrogant and defensive. he only wanted to blame others and portrayed himself as the hero. grudge, guilt, unresolved issues and many other factors snowballed into one dying human being (he's got muscular dystrophy and so does the sick sister). its just sad to see a family breaking up when they can only make things better by being together in this trying time. how can one be that heartless to a mother who's asking for forgiveness? i'll simply melt if any of my parents say sorry (its reallyreally rare. dad has NEVER apologised to me, ever. even when he knocked a mug of boiling water over my hand. 'sorry' doesn't exist in his vocab, how sad).

i didn't realise that today's episode can be so draining. emotionally, physically and mentally. you just can't think anymore about it because its just beyond your means.

thankyou God for not doing this to my family, Alhamdulilah.

have a good weekend! i'm off to batam for a day trip. *winks*

35 hours more to go!

she died?

2007-12-28T04:34:00.000+11:00

okay, just found out from a deardear friend that benadzir bhutto died. kinda predicted that this will happen but nevertheless, she made it into history baybeh. remarkable education background but a totally screwed up leadership i must say. how can someone so educated be so corrupted ey? shot at the neck and chest and died at the public hospital. some of her supporters caused a riot at the hospital while the rest cried. what the?!?!?! riot? third world country huh? can't really say that coz these kinda riots happen in the 1st world countries too (with less bloodshed, of course).

today has been one of the most humbling days of my life. i thank God for putting me where i am. i realise that no matter how your parents can be nice to you or polite, if God wants you to turn out like shit, you will. i also see the side of parents that reminds me that i can do more to mine. thus, i informed them that i was going out for coffee (more like teh halia at the usual spot) after the session. heh!

today, i see the side of singapore that the gahmen has been very cunningly covering up from the whole wide world. i thought the lady living by the beach with her 2 kids for FOUR years was bad enough. this time, i saw a lady living with her depressed (not confirmed but its highly likely that she is) daughter. rubbish strewn all over the kitchen floor and around the living room, the smell and lets not mention the toilet. the social worker sahbo-ed me and insisted that i take a look around. curiosity got the better of me and i went all the way to the common toilet door. afterwhich, i raced back to the room where the lady was. it was simply repulsive. we were expecting a dead body coz there were blood droplets that formed a trail from the bedroom to the kitchen. apparently, it was just a cut. *shrugs* for this, i thank God for giving me this hostel for the time being. heh!

internet doesn't like me

2007-12-27T01:57:00.000+11:00

how come i can't reply on my tagboard? i can't tag other ppl too. sheesh! anyways, zahira, if u're reading this, u're most welcomed to join the team. i'm the lousiest player around, seriously. heeh! i go there for the exercise only. coach has got us into gear again aft the many slack trainings. its back to 2.4km warm up runs again (yes, warm up), static trainings and ballworks that can just smash my already brittle wrists. don't worry, there'll be more at the training, i'm only telling you the nice things we do *wink*wink* there're also alot of KC girls (the coach coaches there if i'm not mistaken). oh..... another thing! you crushing on someone izzit? heeeeh!

well! i'm very slowly clocking in the hours but if i don't go faster, i'm totally screwed la. i'm taking another week of break from the assignments (holiday mood too strong la) and aft that, its all workworkworkwork till end of feb. i-really-want-to-do-well-and-get-this-trimester-done-and-over-with.
hrmph!

mum thinks we treat her apartment like a hotel. HAH! BLOODY HAH! what makes her think that her crappy apaprtment can even be compared to a HOTEL. even a budget hotel is more inviting and cozy! haaa! her apartment is no more than a budget hoStel okay. where everything is communal, public and dirty. that's why i only come back to sleep. even my small rented apartment was more cosy, clean and welcoming than her *$%^hole here. pfft!

my fingers

2007-12-17T03:25:00.000+11:00

i wanted to throw my tidbit wrapper out of the window as my friend was driving just now....... i opened the window just a little so i can dump the wrapper and i quickly wound up the window.

i ended up with half my fingers trapped out of the car and half in it.

*so me*

ps: lets not mention asian idol okay. its not his fault for winning. its the voters' (or those who didn't but still cared).

breathe again

2007-12-15T16:53:00.000+11:00

it has been a truly hectic 3 weeks of my life this year. heaps of assignments given and due around the same period, the threat of one of my module not being marked (i didn't attend the lecture and wanted to withdraw but it was too late to withdraw and i still had to pay the full fees. i decided to go on with the assignment and proposed that i be judged on the quality of my work, not by my absence. yeah, the absence was an issue but we'll see how it goes. i hope i can do it so i'll be done with at least 2 of my 4 electives).

besides the assignments, i was helping out in organising the children camp. it was a blast (because i didn't have to handle the kids). heh! i had fun but it was super duper draining mentally, physicall and emotionally. oh wait, not emotionally. i'm all numb there.

so yeah, i hope all goes well from here.

PS: don't forget to fast for hari Tasyrik if you want to score point with Him! heh! but seriously, you need to perform the fundamentals first.
God bless ya'all!
=)

day trip

2007-12-09T00:25:00.000+11:00

i left for sydney early in the morning and came back at night
.
.
.
.
.
.
NOT!

bloody hell! it took me two freaking hours just to get to school and another two hours to come back! the bus didn't go beyond gear 2, i'm not kidding you. it was so frustruating that i made myself fall asleep (well, it was not that difficult since i didn't sleep the whole night preparing for my presentation just now). but really, the bus was cruising at a ridiculously slow speed that if i had the stamina, i could've ran to bukit merah and reach there 20mins faster than the bus. sheesh!

well, presentation went well, i suppose. as usual, i was the first to present (as the 1st presenter is marked leniently) and at the end, lecturer said i had set a high standard for the rest. *whew!* thankyou God! thankyou for giving me the stamina to go on, for giving me the talent to just wing it, and most importantly, thankyou for giving me my friend who helped in the presentation by giving me the samples. Alhamdulilah!

i love school.

=)

2007-12-02T05:08:00.000+11:00

attending lectures makes me happy. being drowned in my assignments makes me happy. they're all done away from home. constructive things done outside the parents' apartment gives me a sense of relief and satisfaction.

college buddy's solemnisation just now- i obviously missed it.

hoping that i'll make it for her reception tmr.

*must remember to bring camera!*

distinction

2007-11-29T06:21:00.000+11:00

again... but why do i not care? *shrugs*

there must be something that i don't see in people. i wonder why others can get along/love/become best friends with people i don't seem to.... well...... get along with. there must be something about me that do not give chances to others (i blame it on my upbringing from the father). my father bellieves that everyone must do things right the first time. if not, then its a screw up. well..... my parents are mostly why i do not want to become a parent myself. i'm afraid that i'll end up like them. poor children (poor me). so i'll try and be more aware of my actions and thoughts in the future and apply logical and effective methods so as not to turn into them. it'll take alot, being the very proud and egoistic person that i am (yes, i admit to that), but Insya'Allah, i'll try out of sincerity.

on the other note..... the christmas lights are simply gorgeous (of course, goerge st. and david jones' decorations were fabulous too)..... reminds me of milles..... i'd invite you over to stay with me so i can bring you around but i don't have my own crib. in fact, i don't allow my friends to come over anymore. mum thinks its a hassle to cover herself up and she feels unconfortable. so even when dad's unwell, they're not invited to see him. they can come at their own accord, just as long as i don't invite them and they don't tell me that they're coming. i hate staying under my parents' roof..... but beggars are no choosers. you live in another person's roof, you follow their rules. owners rules. *shrugs* well... if u're not willing to accomodate, why bother having children at all. might as well you use your hard-earned money to travel and live a luxe life rather than having us..... me especially. i know.

i'm pretty sure that you regretted not doing more drastic things at that time huh? knowing that, it makes it easier for me to leave yous. i'll do what God told me to do, no worries about that part but its due to my duties as a Muslim. i'm all numb inside.

a little bit of me

2007-11-27T05:28:00.000+11:00

bummer! i just posted a raw feeling i'm having right now and i decided to experiment on some tabs! sheesh!

well.... since i want to let it all out, i'll try and recap what i just typed.

i think i'm feeling kinda confused right now. and lost. when i think of this particular thing, i feel a little....erm... sad. like i don't know if i had done the right thing or not. my mind says i have, and so do a lot of people.... just that i'm wondering what God has for me.... its like He's taking a long time and i'm afraid that i'm wanting things that i don't need. and when i am presented with God's plans, i'm afraid if i'll ask 'what if?'. its such a detrimental thing to do, asking myself 'what if?' but sometimes, i think i just can't help it. i know God'll give me the best and whats good for me.... just that i tend to think of the possibilities that are not meant to happen. see? the mind (superego) works wonderfully but the heart (id) is destroying me. the ego is too confused that its remaining numb- which is bad.

*shrugs*

i tend to compare myself with peers who are happy. it makes me depressed when i do. i have to feel happy for them and everytime i think of them happy, i should be praying to God. i should pray to Him that He continues to make that particular person happy and that i want to be just as happy (in my case, even a glimmer of happiness would be much appreciated). maybe i'll delve into my Qur'an in english again, like i always did in the mornings..... but i want to do it in peace..... and i can't seem to find any of it here in unit 13-1499. it feels like a psychological battlezone every second.

i'll type out my goals here.
to not feel like i do now by mid march.
get a job then (mid march).

why mid-march? well, Insya'Allah, i'll be done with my couseworks. this means that i'm left with research and i think i can handle working and research then.

ps: i just did a blogthings test to see how weird i am but i just can't seem to 'paste' the results! in fact, i can't 'paste' anything here! why ah! so boring! i just wanted to tell the world that i'm 76% weird.

wedding bells ringing

2007-11-22T02:29:00.001+11:00

but of course, the bells don't belong to me....... that'll be the end of the world. well.... not now or anytime soon anyways.

i've a wedding invitation from my high school friends, caled and maizura- they're getting married to each other. he liked her since sec one, they got together the next year and have been with each other ever since. sweet ey? high school sweethearts. a decade of courtship and here they are, getting hitched aft what seems like forever.

the other wedding is my cj buddy's reception and solemnisation, next weekend. but! i've got class then. bummer! i'd love to attend both but not fated la huh?

i'm looking forward for the weddings because its like a mini reunion. i'll see old schoolmates from my batch and some from the senior or younger batches. cool la. then can catch up with each others' progress in life. who went to jail, who turned or was actually gay, who's married, who's got kids,.... ya know... the things teenagers become in later life. *winks*

mamaback

2007-11-19T04:37:00.000+11:00

this particular person has been calling me, out of the blue, just to 'catch up'. well..... if we were tight in the first place, i would not have minded if he disappeared and appeared as and when he wants, like some ppl. however, this particular person is full of empty words (a.k.a: full o bull la). i just cannot stand people who are full of promises but does nothing about it. it reminds me so much of the promises my father has given me and in the end, disappoint me. many times. so yeah, pet peeve: people full of empty words (all talk, no action). haven't they heard that actions speak louder than words?

well.... besides being full of nothing-ness, this person gave me a very sarcastic reply (i found it pathetic and funny tho. it just was) when i wished him happy birthday. *shrugs* some people. just coz he always tried to call me (after suddenly disappearing on me for a long time) to no avail. well, i was busy taking care of monkeys and studying. i have my priorities ya know.

so, after a few months of peace, he started calling me again, just to ask some questions. i didn't wanna talk about what he wanted to ask, so i referred him to people who would've known better. yes, that's my part of palying the cards right. u want to ask the specifics, i help u get to the specific answers la.

then, he started calling for nothing. of course, i was always doing something (fasting month mah.... either breaking fast or performing terawih- loved it!). so really, wrong timing on his part. i've other more important things to do. i've done enough bad things so far and i need to catch up on doing the good things to score points with God. heh! then, he got angry coz i never called him back. *huh?* why is that my problem?

like most of my friends know, i'll make it a point to message them when we haven't seen each other for a long time. in fact, i'll regularly exchange messages with friends as a form of saying 'hi, how u doing?', ya know what i mean? well..... if u suddenly disappear and don't reply to my messages and don't have a good excuse for it (being in a coma is the ONLY excuse i'll accept), u're off my list of friends. sorry, no hard feelings. if i don't matter, then u don't too.

what i don't understand is....... why keep calling me lately? just to catch up? that's really fishy ya know. i'm not the only one who thinks so.

oh well.... if u can understand english well enough, you'll follow my instructions on how to get to me. send me a message, not call me. i don't have free incoming calls. and wasting my free minutes just to catch up with an acquaintace is of no importance to me. if you're 'hurt' that i don't pick up calls, then let me tell you that you're choosing to be hurt. i already said to message me. so just message la. so stubborn.

anyhoos! dad's not good. his pain is getting worse. physiotherapy did him bad. to see dad broken like this is really disheartening. like we all know, our dads (for those who look up to their dads) are the strongest people we know (or one of the strongest). i see how frustruated and helpless he feels. its an ego bashing experience for him as well. he wouldn't want to use the cane in public because he doesn't want people to think that he's handicapped. (this explains my super huge ego. mum's like that too. its inherited.) he wouldn't even let us support him during the painful attacks! *slaps forehead* i'm just praying very hard that he'll go through this a-okay. i know he'll need a risky surgery in order for him to get better.

in all honesty, i don't really trust the TCM in this area. if its just pinched nerves, then i'm all for TCM. but this concerns the bone, in fact, the spine. if it were me, i wouldn't want anyone pulling my spine just to get that one out-of-place vertebra back in place. i dunno.... what do you think?

allright! that's all for now. such a long and windy post after some time not posting huh?

ps: leeza! how u doing! i know u're swamped with work. that much i know very well. heheh! miss you too! *hugs*

i knew it!

2007-11-11T02:52:00.000+11:00

i'm right.... see! he's gay. SIGH! the buffy, good lukin ones are gays, the good uns are taken. sheesh!

i'll still watch him over and over again tho. heh!

hubba hubba hubba

floorplay

2007-11-06T00:44:00.000+11:00

i've been watching floorplay everynight and will watch a certain segment over and over again. i've been trying to get the particular segment on youtube but i still can't find it. the best i've gotten so far is from an audient's camera phone and my guess is that that audient bought the cheapest ticket. so that's a no-go for me-too far from the stage, can't see anything. the reason i want to put it up is so that i can show melb-bestie why i'm perving at that dancer. heh!

but knowing myself, he's most probably gay. i have this inborn attraction to gays. i always have the hots for gays. hrmph! (eg: david. u remember david masyita?)

nevermind masyita, we can watch it when u come back (in forty-something days! wootwoot!)

multiple reasons post.

2007-11-05T07:36:00.000+11:00

1st, i'll tell u how my sunday went....

had netball training. everytime there's training, i'll silently pray that it'll rain. as we were warming up (thank gawd its only 1.2km today instead of the usual 2.4km run), i was hoping that it was gonna rain coz it was pretty windy... then i heard someone wishing that it'd rain pretty loudly. heh~ i guess the seniors dread the 'warm up' run just as much as i do. so, this was my highlight of the day.

2nd, its about the dad.

he went to the clinic last friday coz of his back. doc said its muscle tension but if he doesn't get better by monday (ie: today), he's gotta go straight to the A&E. doc said it might be a slipped disc. oh dear. and yeah, he's gonna go and 'report' himself tmr. *this is when i need all of your prayers so that he'd be fine*

3rd, its about my dear dear friend!

HAPPY 28TH BIRTHDAY MILLES!!!
HOPE U WON'T MIND ABOUT NOT GOING FOR THE HEARING.WELL... I'M HOPING THAT WE'LL WIN THE CASE SO EVEN IF U HAD WENT, BUANG CURRENT AJER KAN, YES? HEHEH! WHAT ABOUT YOUR CONVO THEN? HEH! ANY CHANCE OF ATTENDING YOUR CONVO?
anyways, 1st trimester ending soon, really hope the pregnancy nightmare'll end then. miss you heaps!
i miss going to woolies with u (and perve on my favourite woolies boy. heh!)
i miss our lepak-ing session
i miss YOUR char kuay teow *yuM*
i miss having u over (and u cooking for the dad)
i miss you la!

see you soon, hopefully!

ps: sorry, i don't have a later photo of you when u lost that staggering amount of weight la.

boxerchess

2007-11-04T05:54:00.000+11:00

no, no, no.... this ain't two gorillas taught to play chess...

its about two men playing chess. one man makes the wrong move, his opponent will bash the hell out of him for a few seconds. and yes, its a real game now.

dad's comment?
and i quote, "Bloody idiots."

'nuff said.

oops!

2007-10-31T05:44:00.001+11:00

correction...
fifty more days!

anyhoos! one more house today. heh! i love raya. but sadly, this marks the end of my raya journey this year. don't know if i'll experience one more next year. oh well.....

7 more modules. if i clear this trimester (Insya'Allah i can, AMIN!), i'll be left with 3 more. i'll do 2 research papers next trimester and another one the trimester after next. which means, i'll be done in one year's time. so much for proper planning. i wanted it to be done in 4 trimesters, not 5.

i want it do be done and over with so i can move on to the next phase: save&collect as much money as possible and MOVE OUT. i get along with my mother better when we're thousands of miles apart.

my today

2007-10-30T05:15:00.000+11:00

or more like yesterday.

1- handed in final trimester assignment *woot!*woot!*

2- signed up for another module.

3- went raya-ing to cousin's place alone (like i said, i love raya.)

4- ate like a you-know-what-animal

5- got another substitude marriage proposal (the next one's gonna feel what its like to have a stiletto shoved up his arse. i'm not a sub!)

and now, i'm re-reading my friendster testimonials from long time ago. somehow, i don't remember that funny, high-spirited person anymore. coming back has sucked the life out of me.

ps: i just remembered that if a person takes careful, detailed note of what he/or she is eating, it means that that person is having some problem with food. in my case, i can't stop eating. so its all good!

pps: one more week!

ppps: 58 more days!

pppps: you know who you two are! *wink*wink*

random update

2007-10-25T14:59:00.000+10:00

i've a major reflective paper that's to be handed in on monday and i'm still 2000 words short. in other words, i'm screwed. the thing is, i've to look and criticise (constructively) the counselling videos and i simply dislike looking at myself on the camera (i don't like my teeth la). so not looking at myself is a coping mechanism for me to forget about my horrible buckies (my buck teeth. yes, teeth. two of them mah). so yeah, i can submenge myself in denial about my teeth. but of course, i'm thankful to God for providing me these 'gates' so i don't spew my saliva much as i speak, unlike sylvester the cat =)

and! i love my jalan raya la. i've always loved jalan raya. but parents are such killjoys. they think its an obligation while i think that its the time of the year when you catch up with the relatives that u meet once a year (bumping into them in the streets don't count. and neither do deaths. and wedding for that matter). besides, i've come to the lifespan period where visiting my buddies' families are considered as a must too. well, not really a 'must' must but its more like a formality (i think) to the buddies' parents coz i've been gallivanting with their children the whole year (not 24/7, obviously). i dunno..... its just nice to catch up with the close ones, i feel.

however! (there's always a but, huh?) i've too many relatives and dad won't have the time to complete all related stops, literally. i don't know other relatives well so visiting them on my own is like putting me in china. in fact, i think i'll be more adaptable if i were dumped in china rather than being in someone's house i don't know very well. i'm not speaking to the mum (we're keeping it to only neccessary terms here. eg: "I'm off!" would be what i'll say as i'm leaving her house. details aren't that important anymore) so going out with her alone is a no-no. besides, she will NOT spend her money on transport if its based solely on socialising, really.

this brings to the point where people don't like the 'visiting' part during eid because well..... THEY DON'T KNOW THE RELATIVES WELL in the first place. screw that thought i say. that's what visiting is for isn't it? to get to know your relatives better. don't know them? then get to know them. for those who're left with no choice but to go visiting, might as well u seize the moment. why chose to be grumpy and angry while u can be joyful?

that said, i've 3 places in mind to go next week (after the assignment, before my counselling practicum begins).

and one more thing! (last but not least)

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY MY LAKI!
SEE YOU IN A BIT ;)

bun in the oven!

2007-10-19T03:31:00.001+10:00

heh! for the first time in my life.... i was delighted beyond imagination when a friend told me that she's expecting. well... normally i'll hear from those who aren't that close to me. my reaction would be varied, but mostly cynical, like:
1- well yeah, what do u expect? they'd adopt pets?
2- about bloody time, they've been married for ages.
3- boy aren't her parents gonna flip! (unmarried cases *note the plural*)

but! this is waaaaaay different. no one close has told me that they're expecting. so this is suuuuper cool la. i'm like a jakun. don't try to imagine my reaction, i think the malaysian astronaut saw my teeth as i smiled like a mountain goat.

but! amidst all the excitement... lets not forget mummy-to-be's feelings. mummy-to-be isn't feeling too well... knowing how hectic work is for her (think 12hour days in the office) and with the hearing coming up soon, i hope and pray that u can manage. 5 more weeks till u finish the 1st trimester (which i heard isn't easy for most) and hopefully, it'll be smooth sailing afterwhich. if u really cannot take the morning sickness (in her case, its morning, afternoon and night), there's always the morning sickness medication (i read it in other mommies to be blogs).

OHMAGAWD! i just realised that u can start wearing the mummy-sleeveless tanktop i got you! haa! how exciting! hang in there sweets!

GOOD LUCK MILLES!

strange

2007-10-12T04:10:00.000+10:00

some people whom i've known for at least six years (soufi's mum) and my whole life (kakaks upstairs) suddenly commented that my nose is 'sharp' (mamak blood at its best i'd say, Alhamdulilah).

after knowing me that long, they suddenly noticed my nose.
the weird thing was that they sounded surprise.....

errr......

i wonder what else they haven't noticed about me.....

maybe i should ask if they've noticed my big feet (broad size 9 or 10).

or maybe my ten fingers instead. that's a basic start i reckon.

envious, pissed, unhappy.

2007-10-10T13:06:00.000+10:00

anyone who wakes me up from my sleep to ask me questions about living in wollongong because they've got a place there will make me depressed..... and depressed i am right now.

well...
good for your for clinching a seat there.

good for you for being able to live there for at least 3 years.

good for you for being able to go to woolies (AND SEE MY FAVOURITE WOOLIES BOY!)

good for you for being able to go to crown street mall.

good for you for being able to stay close to omar mosque.

good for you for being able to go through ramadhan and eid there.

good for you coz u'll have the city beach close to you.

good for you coz you'll be where i found myself.

good for you for being able to visit shehmoo (ARRGH!ARRGH!ARRGH!).

good for you coz you'll be able to do things that i throughly enjoyed.

you'll get to know all the places that i've been to.... but i'm sure you won't find the peace and solace i did at my favourite places there.

and no, i won't tell anyone about my favourite places there. its the only thing i've got that no one has (i'd like to think so) and i'd like it to remain that way.

in the spirit of ramadhan (or what's left of it), i hope you'll do well, generally. amin.

NEVER

2007-10-08T03:58:00.000+10:00

will i start my assignment two days before it is due.

enough of burnt ass by sitting on the floor, chair, mattress and anywhere else for that matter.

i'll get started on the other assignment (due at the end of the month) next wk. heh!

my fictitious story

2007-10-06T03:41:00.000+10:00

i've been trying to come up with an ethical dilema that may arise when i see a client. it took me months to think about it but nothing came up. finally, as i was chatting wit my 'dubai boy' i came up with THREE stories! (two of which were thanks to him).

story 1: my client came to see me to come to terms with his past. he used to be a big time drug dealer (to the extend that he has injured quite a number of people because they owed him money). he was responsible for a big scale ecstacy party that resulted in a few OD deaths. the police couldn't get any evidence to convict him and he reamains a free man. this client was remorseful for his actions and has since quit the line of work and had gotten himself a stable deskbound job that he is happy with. the counsellor (that would be me) has issues against drugs, her mother died because of an OD of valium when she (I) was younger and is strongly against the use of drugs. would the counsellor inform the police since they're still looking for the dealer for that ecstacy bash still?

story 2: i am seeing a client, sydney (yes, yes, the city. i'm missing it heaps la). sydney's husband is a notorious gangster and he was suspected to be behind the assasination of a few prominent figures in the society, including my very good friend who was running for a seat in the parliament when he was killed. during the sessions, sydney said that her husband has less than 2 years to live as he has a chronic disease and he is using all his time left to do good (eg: charity funraising, donation, volunteer work, etc). sydney also let it slip that she knows where her husband hid the gun that was used to kill all his victims. the police were never able to convict sydney's husband because of the lack of evidence. the gun that sydney's husband would be the 'grail' of his conviction (i have no idea how i thought of the grail). should i break my confidentiality promise with sydney and help the authoroties convict a killer? a killer who seems remorseful and haas only a short time to live his life meaningfully? dilemma! dilemma!

story 3: sydney suspects her husband of cheating on her. she has proofs like dockets of jewelleries he bought (that wasn't for her, of course), jotted down the timing of odd hour phonecalls he'd receive and etc, etc, etc. sydney is contemplating whether she should save the marriage or end it. Sydney is also wondering if she should confront her husband about his affair, meet up with the other woman or just ignore it. these are the reasons as to why she wanted to see the counsellor. sydney wanted the counsellor to guide her through her decisions. one day, sydney came for a session with a blurred photograph. sydney saw her husband walking arm-in-arm with the other woman. sydney didn't manage to get a good look at the other woman but she was satisfied that she had real hard proof about her husband. sydney showed the photo to the counsellor. to the counsellor's horror, it was HER photo with her fiance that she loved very much and was planning to marry in a year and a half. jeng!jeng!jeng! what should the counsellor do? in one hand, the client's well being was her priority and responsibility. on the other, it was the man of her life. how? how?

guess which story i chose? correct guesses will be rewarded (with a praise). heh!

bumming when i'm not supposed to

2007-09-29T15:53:00.000+10:00

a new haircut, 3 pairs of you-know-what (and 90bucks poorer because of it) on the day off.

i should get started on my essay, actually.

ps: i finally joined facebook... woohoo.... big freaking deal!

zero!

2007-09-24T02:14:00.000+10:00

i got so excited and delighted when i saw coke zero at 7-eleven just now. oh the memories there. quenching my thirst during the hot, sunny, dry day. of course i feeling-feeling when i drank it. i imagined i was walking home from woolies, under the tunnel......... untill i got a closer look at the can.

made in china la dey!

bummer!

potong steam.

chet!

left the remainder in the fridge.

of the many things that can happen in this world.....

2007-09-20T00:01:00.000+10:00

i sprained my leg
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

WHILE I WAS ASLEEP.

and because of that, i missed terawih prayers 3 days in a row. and i got myself TWO days of doctors' certificate! heeh!

didn't i mention that this Ramadhan is not as good as the previous ones?
(so far, it hasn't been that good).

ps: lets not mention which part of my leg i sprained okay? let me keep whatever dignity i have left.

Ramadhan comes

2007-09-17T23:36:00.000+10:00

and before we know it..... the month will go.

i'm not enjoying it so much now. i'm pinning for down under so much that i've never regretted coming back this month as compared to regretting it the whole year added up.

its not as spiritual as it was this time round. i feel like i'm a better person when i'm away rather than being home.

my temper is really short, i don't remember God as much as i used to previously and i'm just not a nice person on the whole.

time to improvise....

and yeah... my september suck BIG time.

regret

2007-09-02T21:59:00.000+10:00

its not a good thing to have in life but shit happens huh?

i've never regretted coming back more in this 8 months than i have yesterday.

*shrugs* i guess i'll just have to go through a bit more before i can say good riddance (to bad rubbish).

misery loves company

2007-08-18T18:18:00.000+10:00

i'm super duper miserable staying home. can't wait to get my own crib.

lovely saturday weather, but mood is spoiled by you-know-who.

bro was saying one of us might have to go back to settle our banking stuff. i was oh-so-delighted. but only for 20hours (14hours excluding sleep time).... the bank called and our account's settled. cheh!

am wondering how milles is... hot&humid innit? heh!

and last but not least! (i know i'm a day late)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOWELL!

for the longest time

2007-08-12T22:29:00.000+10:00

not that i've been ignoring this little outlet of my mind.... just that i've been neglecting everything to read harry potter. yes, u read it right. i finished the sixth book just now, all 6 books read in about a week. obsessive, i must say. but i guess its escaping into a fantasy land when you have to study for a coming quiz (worth 75%) and losing certain things that really matter in your life. better to not think about it and face it.

oh well... shit happens to everybody, yes?

managed to treat a friend to a proper belated birthday gift (i was a month late. didn't know what to get her). we went for a manicure and pedicure. the day was well spent, i think.

today was good too. i'm reminding myself to appreciate my family more. my sister served me cheesecake in the morning and even cleared my plate. the brother took a packet of my milo and seeing that i was done with mine, he disposed my empty packet for me as i was reading harry potter. all these kind gestures..... maybe they're nicer when i'm sick? hmmmmm.....

heheh! still! i appreciate them.

and yeah, two months' up. i'm sick again. 4th time this year. its not as bad as the one in june but i'm not getting a good nights' sleep at all due to the blocked nose. sick or sore, i do like my transvestite-like (bapok) voice. hoping to get better again by wednesday. i should be sick again in october. the doctor said my body's 'adjusting' to living here again. a friend said my body's never getting used to it and is yelling at me to go back there. well... i guess its better to feel alone when there's no one familiar around you as compared to feeling alone in familiar territory eh?

update!

2007-07-27T19:42:00.000+10:00

or the lack of it.

still on the teaching gig. the principals love to drop by my classes when they're at their rowdiest (which is not very often- so i believe). oh what the heck. i'm not gonna stay in this line anyways.

went for the regular hair treatment just now and a stranger shared her brolly with me at the traffic lights till the building (we were headed the same way). how nice!

whenever i tell anyone that i go for hair treatments, they'll definitely ask me the same old question (that really seem sincere- to me), "what's wrong with your hair?" with the puzzled look. well..... nothing really. i just had alot of dandruff because i didn't wash it often enough (hair was too long, temperature was too cold and hair didn't smell at all). disgusting, i know. so, whenever these people ask me about the treatment or the service, i'll discourage them from going there at all. its really not worth the money.

i'd rather buy a closet of branded goods.

toodles!

BOO!

2007-07-25T17:33:00.000+10:00

startled?

heeh!

myths about cough syrup

2007-06-16T17:35:00.000+10:00

it really tastes like i'm drinking syrup.

but it doesn't make me sleepy. i had it at midnight, i fell asleep at 4am. so much for taking it with the hope that i'll fall asleep pronto. well, i didn't. and that's the end of my cough syrup consuming lifespan. byebye cough syrup.

maybe i'll try it another time tonight, after janice dickinson.

my hospital stint

2007-06-13T20:32:00.000+10:00

last night (i'm humming p.diddy's song) haa!

okay, last night, i went to CGH (although i didn't want to but had to listen to parents) a&e because my temperature was 40degC according to the mercury thermometer (yes, we have the old school, vintage thermometer).

when i went through the screen thing, the door ladies screamed at me "adeeeek! tinggi nyeeeeer demaaaaaaaammmmmmmm" (your fever is soooooo hiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhhhhh)
i was intrigued. how can she know that my temperature was that high before taking my temperature. then i saw the screen thing. ahhhh. one door lady took my temperature with the ear thermometer- 40.2degC. she asked me to sit in the waiting glass cubicle, specially for fever patients. before i went, i asked if i can see myself of the screen. before the door ladies can answer, i was walking in and out of the door (that's where the sensors are). the door ladies actually entertained me, told me how to look at myself at the screen. haa! boy was i red.

then, the wait to see the doctor. wah piang! so long! my back was aching. i would have lied down on the hospital floor if i got something to lie my head on. so i wrote down my list of sickness. once i got into the doctor's room, i gave him the list and went straight to the bed. heh. i still had to repeat myself though.

i had to have a blood test and i/v drip to lower down my temperature. i whimpered like a tortured puppy when the doctor inserted the needle into my arm. hey, poking needles into human beings = torture too ya know!

after a sample of my blood was taken, i had to go to the observation ward for the drip. nurse took my temperature again-40.4degC(phwoaaar). since i wasn't sleepy, i thought i'd strike up a conversation with the cleaning lady who was mopping the floor in malay.

i asked her why she doesn't need to cover her face. she said no need because the mop she was using traps the dust, not push them around. my real question was that why she didn't need the surgical mask since she's around people that may have contagious disease. well, the answer i got was- her mop attracts dust. obviously i didn't go on with the conversation. i don't think my malay is that bad. oh well.

about an hour later, the doctor came back wit my results. he said i've got viral fever (big hoohah going on here about dengue fever, bird flu and mad cow disease. okay, mad cow's just an exaggeration. heh!). he asked me how i felt. i said i felt warm (suddenly it felt like i was under the hot sun, without the UV rays). "no, no" said the doctor. so i went 'huh?' apparently, "how do you feel" mean "do you feel giddy? nauseus (sp?)? stomach pain?". ahhhhhhh.

since i didn't feel any of those, he said he's gonna let me go. so with an expressionless face, eyes barely opened, i went 'yeayyyyyyy'. afterwhich, he said he hoped i'd get well soon and gave me a friendly pat on my arse

not.

hah!

he gave me a pat on my knees la.

so that's my night out last night.

*door ladies: the people on duty to screen those coming in and out of the a&e and take the patients' temperature. last night, 2 ladoes were on duty, thus the term door ladies.

toodles!

ps: i could afford to be chirpy still coz i didn't have a headache. i thank God for that (Alhamdulilah!) coz if i did, i don't think i can even walk. =)

DAD'S HOOOOME

2007-06-06T03:52:00.000+10:00

on a typical day when dad's at home.....

i was trying to relay the message that his house is a junkyard, that we need to get rid of ALOT of things and that we should do dome minor renovations to his junkyard (to make it look like a proper home).

me: (after putting away my stuff in my shared room) dad! come look!

dad comes in and look.

me: see! its still messy even if you don't see any of my things outside.
dad: i think we need to get another room for this home.
me: you think? (all sarcastic)
dad: yeah. so i can put all the rubbish that we have here.
me: no dad. just gimme the room and i'll be happy. (getting emo. haah!)
dad: like i said. another room for the rubbish.

you're the father of the rubbish you know, mister jamal.

monday excitement

2007-06-05T03:06:00.000+10:00

bro decided to take an mc and nurse his head today. he went to the government clinic and since it was a head injury (he knocked his head against a metal bracket last friday), they sent him to the a&e (accident and emergency) at the hospital specialising in neurology (tan tock seng hosp la). amidst the boredom, my worry for assignment number 2 was chronic (now that i'm home, i don't have the 'feel' of doing it. heh!). while the bro was waiting to be warded, i had to be his FOC PA and handle the 'admin' matters. while waiting for my turn, this old ah pek walked across, in front of me, and gave me a crooked smile. so i smiled back and resumed my 'worrying'. then he asked me why i was there.

ah pek: your h (he was about to say the incestuous h word so i cut his sentence)
me: my brother's not well.
ah pek: why?
me: he hit his head.

and so went the short answered questions followed by the short answered answers.

then he asked me how come i'm accompanying my bro, why not his wife. how come he's not married.

what the!?!

so i said he's too young to be married. ah pek's reply? "oh!"

then he went on to ask me where it happenned and that bro can claim from the company etc, etc, etc, stuff that we already know, especially the dad.

(he was standing beside the water cooler, in front of me all this while)

i decided to ignore him after that and he struck a conversation with a young female, waiting to be warded. and then she left and he turned to me. (of course, i was screaming inside my head, NOT AGAIN!).

ah pek: wah! she's the patient ah. i thought she's accompanying her boyfriend. she said got severe stomach pain but she kissing kissing since just now for all people to see ah. (i didn't notice her at all the whole time i was there)

of course, i dind't have any reaction to whatever the ah pek had to say. a stranger can do whatever they want as long as i'm not personally affected. she can even have sex on the floor of the a&e and i still won't give a rat's ass about it. so the ah pek tried to make me understand the seriousness of the matter.

ah pek: kissing kissing you know!
me: (smile and look away)
ah pek: waahh... she kissing kissing.
me: ( in my head:one more time u tell me the same thing, i'm gonna scream and say that you're harrassin me okay you old school ah pek!)

i guess he reads minds and he started another subject. i took my library book out and started reading it.

ah pek: wah, scholar ah!
me: huh? what?
ah pek: you scholar ah? take book out to read.
me: no la.
ah pek: what, teacher ah?

okay, he got me pissed already. why don't i look like a lawyer, vet or an actress instead? okay la, he should recognise me if i'm a successful actress right? if i'm an actress and people don't recognise me, i'm a loser ah. but why a teacher? why not an executive, businesswoman? okay fine. since i was in my polo-t and jeans, i can't look like a professional. afterall. they work during the day and even at night, yes? and since its the school hols, well, only teachers are able to not work during a monday and still get paid (but don't get me wrong, i know how much work you teachers have even if you don't have to attend school).

so i told him that i'm still a student. and of course, he asked what course. i felt like saying intercourse (the most lame ass, corny joke ever) but he looked like a cheekopek (perverted person) so i just said the course i'm taking. then he said he was from the teacher training branch, how they didn't have counselling then, that they should have, that capital punishment is wrong and other uninteresting and biased things la. i've so many things to say about capital punishment. i do believe in it, only if its practised the right way. we still have caning in prison anyways. if its useless, the govt would've taken it off a long time ago. and at least the ministry's making changes and introducing counsellors in all schools here now. the ah pek didn't make sense la. i just know that its not worth to hold an intelligent conversation with him. he just wanted to be a busybody.

the next time anyone asks what i'm working as.... i'll give them a simple answer to satisfy their curiosity.

i'm a social escort.

one down

2007-06-01T01:20:00.000+10:00

two to go.

i managed to finish one assignment in 7 hours and handed it in an hour earlier than required. wooooooowwwwwww, big freakin deal *i'm rolling my eyes*

that's how i challenge myself, i become sarcastic with myself.

seriously, the other 2 assignments are tough-ass shit and this last minute essay compilation will definitely not work on them. no more coming back at 4am (but the music video was merepek-kerepek-fun la, no doubt about that!), no shopping sprees till i get number 2 done, no watching teevee (okay, i'm lying here).

allright, who wants to buy the phone that i planned to buy? its going for SG$250 (neg).
the features are really really basic la. and it freakin small. its made in thailand, i-mobile 310.
no camera and no bluetooth.
mp3
128mb phone memory
can contain 1gb micro sd card
64 polyphonic ringtone&mp3 ring tones

i decided not to buy it coz i want a phone with a camera. i gave mine to the dad so the basic requirement of a new phone for me is a camera (possibly those with 3 megapixel).

allright! till then, take care and god bless!

update!

2007-05-30T01:29:00.000+10:00

okay, long time no news about me. i dreamt about lowell the other day. lowell, u were injured badly and u were hospitalised. and then, somehow, u were able to use you laptop that has a camera and so we web-cammed each other. u were very angry, i don't know why. heheh! and i found out the name of the malaysian actress that looks like you milles! i think her name's mira namira. heheh!

last night, i dreamt that i was in gong. in the dream, i went to the beach.... how beautiful. then i started crying..... all because i knew it was but a dream. loser eh! haha! but that got me a bit depressed when i woke up la. i didn't want to wake up because i didn't want to face reality, i wanted to remain in the subconscious land of mine that makes me happy and gives me hope.

okay, the school holiday has just began and i'm up to my nose in completing my own assignment. i've an essay due this friday and i haven't started yet. i've the materials tho, that's a strat, no?

i'm gonna buy a handphone/MP3 at a low cost but it doesn't have 2 mandatory features that'll make it a proper mobile (in my opinion). it doesn't have bluetooth and camera. haaa!its smaller than the palm of my hands, just that the photo's huge. and in case if u're wondering, yes, its made in thailand, thus SIAMphone =)

love life?
zilch. not that i'm complaining la. all those i met so far are jerks to begin with. and those that i would be very interested in are married. and hey, who says being single sucks? i see a whole lot of benefits that no one else would understand about it except only singles.

and one last thing! by now, i'm sure many would be familiar with the brazilian wax, no? i'm the sort of person who would be very comfortable with staring at myself naked in the mirror....... only if its pitch dark (okay, the sentence is an oxymoron, so what?). you know what i mean? so! sick of the prickly growth a week after shaving, i decided to suck it all in and epilate. my good old hand me down epilator somehow went bonkers at the end of it. but that's not important. the point is.... its damn fucking painful la. i'm very sure that it can't beat the pain of waxing the 40 year old virgin's chest hair and it sure beats the pain of tearing and stitching up my ligament. and its more painful than my current torn ligament on my shoulder. its more painful than my chronic backache and it works up a sweat. and not to mention, its like a whole work out because i was sweating like as if i had a 10kn run at the end of it all. but! but! but! its still satisfying because i'm all smooth and the regrowth ain't itchy. besides, the subsequent process isn't as painful (provided its not too long).

okay! that's all so far! i'll try to update as often as possible! i miss you all back in the gong! *muacks!*

mothers' day my ass

2007-05-13T18:56:00.000+10:00

i wrote a whole lot of stuff about my mum but decided that as a daughter, i do not want to stoop so low as to complain about her. i'm born into this family and i just have to suck it in. i pray to God that i won't become her when i grow old, her negative aspects.... a whole lot of them.

on another part of my dysfunctional life... i gave a text message to shehmoo's new owners (well, not very new anymore la). this would be the third time that i texted them after he came back. and yes, all no reply. i know, i know... stop asking about him already. but i don't have a closure on shehmoo la. at least i have closures on my hamster, bird and fishes.

they all died.

but the rabbit ran away (or was stolen). i think he was stolen because we always let him out along the corridor everynight but he'll stay within the area. sometimes he'll go up or down a few floors but he'll always come back or come to us when we call him. but that one night, he just disappeared. and yes, we're still wondering where he is.

ps: masyita! how come u can tag me ah? i can't tag myself! haa! yeah, about said zahari. saw your short video clip on ur multiply. we need more people like martinsee here.

molitics

2007-05-13T03:03:00.000+10:00

i just saw a political clip by this guy. shows how dirrrty politics was (and still is) here in tiny lion city. i read lky's autobiography (only because i had to analyse him) and i thought he was pretty daring to admit (although not blatantly) that he 'understood' what the leftist were trying to achieve back then. he also 'admires' the yellow skinned because they were very hardworking people. what he didn't say was that he shared the same traits as some of the yellow skinned people he admired (manipulative, cunning, conniving, sly and most of all, cowards when faced with confrontations, preferring to be elusive about 'certain' topics rather than talk about them openly). but the things he accused of innocent (yes, i think they're innocent) people. appalling!

anyone knows how i can get said zahari's books? i'll pay u back =)

i just wonder what could have happened if things weren't they way they were in the '60s. politically i mean. no doubt that its lky who's responsible for our success as a nation. but why the repressive methods. from all the readings that i did (or the lack of them), repressive leaders normally have personal egoistic agendas that are channelled as political one to make them seem more socially acceptable. SMH had to make a public apology since lsl bacame the pm here (ya know, that holy goh and the *** dynasty thingy. i found that funnay la). but like i said, its a repressive form of government where anything that seem to offend the government is considered defamatory and the other party is liable to be imprisoned (if locals) or will be sued, on charges that-don't-really-make-sense (case example, that labour party guy who's name i cannot recall who had to make the public apology or face a law suit against him during the election before last, or some elections before that la).

boy would i love an open conversation with 'da' man just to see what's in his pretty big head.

will we ever have the freedom of press and speech like other developed nations do?

hmm...

wishful thinking.

just to clarify things, i love my non-malay and non-muslims friends okay. and i'm not that nationalistic. yes, i've been studying too much. if you're interested in the video (there's a 49min version and a 3min short one too), just type zahari under google (australia) video.

what the!?

2007-05-04T00:24:00.000+10:00

what's wrong with blogger thses days? they say i've got the wrong password..... blardy hell.

teaching has been kind so far. i've been caught twice by the principal and the department head for allowing my class to make noise during their reading period. heh! i was rude to the photocopy lady because i think she deserved it but another teacher said a sarcastic remark when i left. (i left without thanking the photocopy lady because she refused to help me and removed my worksheets at the staple machine while they were being stapled when i left them to place my super duper heavy stuff at my desk. and the teacher said "your welcome" as the door closed behind me. such guts they had). but after that, we said hi to each other as if nothing had happenned. such hypocrites we have in this world ey?

the other day, i asked the chinese boys to hurry in mandarin. one girl butt in and said, "cher, your malay is already bad, please don't try to speak chinese".

i love my work.

ps: my bestie was supposed to meet up with a lebo guy friend of hers in melb. that makes me miss my favourite wollies boy laaaaaaaaaaaaa. i miss marketing in woolies and perving at my favourite woolies boy. is he still working there? heeh!

tiring

2007-04-27T21:36:00.000+10:00

i simply don't know how one can study and work at the same time. it takes a whole damn lot of discipline and i simply don't have that. i've to hand in my essay by tonight and its still where i left it a week ago.

shit.

life right now

2007-04-22T17:46:00.000+10:00

i've about 700 more words to go for my 1st assignement. 2 more waiting in line. all very crucial. oh yes, and one test. all life or death. next month (which is in a couple of weeks time) is another subject. about 3 tests and an exam.

i've yet to finish marking about 60 more letters. after the third letter, they all sound the same. i wish i didn't give them back the letters when they wrote so little. i could've just failed them. (note to self: marking a failing paper is easier).

i enjoy the class but i don't enjoy marking. dumb thing to say la, i know.

whatever nonsensical and time wasting thing that i do, i do with guilt. its coz i know i've something better to do. yes, my assignments and the markings.

i'm repeating what i'm saying aren't i? marking, assignements. marking, assignments. aperrrr jer!

i'm thinking about playing taboo with the class (thanks to ard for introducing me the game!) after their exams but i don't know what kind of response they'll give. making them get into groups is difficult itslelf. they know i'm lame and i've got nothing to do with them, seriously. heheh! i promised the NT class to watch movies with them once a week. one movie in mind is 'three kings'. all because of the absence of any kissing scenes. i don't want to get into trouble. heh! and well, its based on a true story too. i can yayah papaya to the kids by telling them that i wrote an essay for this movie for my film and history class. i did, really. i know that they can't give a rat's ass about it la. like they'll understand (for now i mean).

chilled at starbucks with a couple of friends last friday. one of them's visiting my adopted hometown. then she might just pass by my neighbourhood (if u go kiama la, nor). then it struck me that she'll be so close to shehmoo. i feel like telling her to stop by at the station and check on shehmoo la, really. i miss him badly! i actually teared balls! sheesh!

so here's a picture of my shemmy and me!my wallpaper photo.
it doesn't help at all coz i miss him more everytime i switch on my lappie.

of teachers and students

2007-04-13T16:23:00.000+10:00

i've landed myself to a teaching gig at a certain secondary school. somehow, i think i've become less of a gangster and more of a wuss.... taking the students' welfare in mind, allowing them to go over my head anytime now. everytime i enter class, i try to recall how 'gangster' i was when i was 18 (turning 19), relief teaching at another secondary school. that was five freaking years ago. i was still the 'soldier wannabe fresh from NCC', treating the students like....well.... my cadets. haa! and it also doesn't help that i was conducting P.E. then. i try to treat the students now like how i treated the students when i was 18 but the subject i'm 'teaching' now is very different. its a new ball game now. i'm an engrish teacher now. and being a student once, i wasn't really serious about the subject. now, i have high expectations of the students and its just not reasonable of me to do so. i'm just afraid that they'll run amok in class and i'll get into trouble for that. heh!

and teaching maths was also defferent (did that when i was 20- turning 21), a month before i went to uni. maths is more of an objective discipline while english is so subjective.

the biggest hurdle now os to win over the NT class. i must admit that i've started off with the wrong foot with them because i appeared to be the strict-and-unreasonable-teacher-who-hates their-class-like-all-the-other-teachers. and the most daunting moment yesterday? i heard a boy who planned to 'bully' me just coz we're of the 'same race'. i've never heard of such 'plans' before when i taught the NT classes. i keep in mind that this subject is not the same as the other subjects i experienced with. my problem now is how to get 'that' boy to co-operate with me and influence his classmates to 'work' with me. he's one of those who didn't finish the work i gave them. i'm planning to reward the rest who did (with the cadbury party packs, how boring) but i have to do something to 'that' boy so that i'll get my message across. and i also do not plan to keep on giving them worksheets because i know its mindnumbing la. i've been there once. i want to make it interesting for them.

i came home telling my parents that i've got 'syaitans' to teach and i got reprimanded by the mother. she said whatever i say is a prayer and the more i call them that, they WILL be that. their parents won't like it if they find out that a teacher is naming them devils. funny, coming from the mouth that calls another person 'tak laku'.... isn't a mother's prayers more powerful? i can't say that she's wrong either. it was good advice, no doubt (even if the source isn't). so i call them my angels.....

angels of death (malaikat maut). hah!

oh yes, i've cut my hair for the second time in a week. in a bid to feel like a singapore girl. yes, perasan BIG time.

lowell, perasan=self-absorbed. ;)

have a wonderful weekend y'all!
cheers!

what i ALSO miss

2007-04-07T02:09:00.000+10:00

chocolate eggs
chocolate bunnies
and of course, my chilli kettle chips

busting my allowance to buy all these chocolates, put them on my fridge, make it look like a shrine and then give all of them away (execpt a few peices, of course) and see the happy faces that received them (or least hear about the happy faces). heh!

ps: i got a haircut..... i swear i look like a retard (at least that's what i think of it). no pictures tho.

dream

2007-04-06T14:26:00.000+10:00

i had a dream (not intended to sound like Martin Luther King Jr here). i really had a dream. it was a nightmare.

i dreamt that i visited shehmoo. he's bigger and much much healthier now (not that he was unhealthy when i took care of him). he seemed more mature and lean now, not the playful kitty that i brought home. at first, when the new owners let him out, he came to me. i thought he recognised me.

apparently not.

he was just being a cat- curious.

and then he ran away, he didn't want to play with me. he didn't like it when i tried to carry him.

and he seemed to be more fierce. he hissed at me.

i don't like this dream.

i miss my shehmoo laaaaaaaaaa

boliau blogger

2007-03-28T19:33:00.001+10:00

dancefloor tonight!

woot!woot!

she burst-ed my bubble

2007-03-28T17:51:00.000+10:00

ya know, the course i'm taking now originaly said i had to take 12 subjects coz i have no work experience. then, one fine day, the administrator said i'm enrolled in only 8 subjects. so i asked her if i have to do only 8 because they said i need to do 12. and besides, it was after i filled in the exemption form that was given on orientation day. administrator said she yeah, i have to do only 8 (according to the current enrolment record). so i asked her if i were able to get any exemption from a particular subject (assessment) because i'd already done it while in uow. she sheepishly said she didn't know. i asked her to find out and i'll call later (which i did). she hasn't made the inquiry for me. surprisingly, i remained cool headed (i guess i expected this much of a screw up since i'm dealing with an ozzie admin service, managed by singhies, yet again).

and then! on the second last day of my lecture block, the lecturer said i could've gotten an exemption from that subject she was lecturing (atypical development) coz i should have covered the topics she lectured. hell yeah. i covered more than what she presented. so that was it. i e-mailed the administrator again forewarning here that i was gonna call her about my queries. her manager sort of made her panicked coz she gave me her word that i'm takin only 8 subjects but they think i should do all 12. that's alot of money ya know. it'll take me at least 10.5 years to pay off all my debts balls!

so now, i'm wondering if i should get started on my assignment or should i just wait and see if i can get an exemption. i should get it because i have the lecturer's words, witnessed by classmates.

screw ups......

such is life ey?

oh! oh! oh! on another note... i heard the bob hairdo is back. hmph! *flips hair*

that was so last year.

i can't see my blog

2007-03-24T02:47:00.000+11:00

bloody hell.

not sastified

2007-03-23T04:20:00.000+11:00

i missed the previous dancefloor series and i'm obsessed about trying to watch any repeats. i went to the website, i went to youtube, i went to google..... all to no avail. how to watch the 12th episode of the dancefloor ah? i'm so semangat about watching it but i don't vote. haaa!

and i have photos of a couple of the guys frm BFC- we trekked gunung ledang together during the NCC days. oh my gawd.... how busuk did we look like. oh, one of the j.d.i guys was also in ncc, with the BFC guys. semer members ah.... haaa! how i miss NCC. but what to do? we all have to move on in life- prepare for hereafter.

and and and.... i actually went to kindy with one of them.

you don't really know what to expect of your kindy classmates ey?

eh! i'm diverting the original point of this entry.... how do i watch episode 12 ah? its bloody irritating to watch the recaps on tv coz the songs and dance moves featured don't do justice to the actual performance.

support local talent!

okay, so i don't vote. at least i support them by watching the show aperrrrrrrrr....

my love

2007-03-22T04:14:00.000+11:00

*swoon*swoon*swoon*

my darling masyita informed me about david's webbie. david likes men (too bad for me. but hey, if i can't have him, the other ladies can't too! =p ), so what? if u watched him on BB06, i think you'll fall in love with him, just like we (masyita and i ) did.

for a rural farmer, he's well travelled, articulate, well read and he's just a down to earth person that you'd simply want to have a conversation with him just so u can broaden your mind, really. okay, okay... i might be praising him a bit too much here... he doesn't even know that i exist. heh!

haiyah.... i missed the chance of seeing dave in the flesh la... why do i have to home this year!?! not that i'm wishing that i failed any of my subjects, of course.... or why didn't he take part in BB earlier! so i can see him in the mardi gras last year! haa! wishful thinking.

visiting his webbie reminds me so much of watching BB06, with dad criticising it all the time (reverse situation here where i was doin the criticising in 04, irritating the hell out of playmate. heh!) only to watch what dave was up to. heheh! and reading his blog only makes me want to go back there more.... for a long stay (read: work and residency).

i'm sure God hads his fantastic plan for me... for the time being, i'll just enjoy my time here in sunny lion city. why brood over something that i can't change, yes? at least i have the future to look out for, insya'Allah.

life at the moment....

2007-03-15T01:30:00.000+11:00

is full of germs, bacterias, viruses, boogers, snot, wailing, drama mama-ness, nap times, pee (xioa pian, if the spelling is right), lunch-time, tea time, milk and of course, running around under the blazing sun every weekday mornings which, by the way, i simply detest. i've turned into such a kunyiang lately. blame it on the night cream i smother on my face everynight to get rid of the darned acne.

working at a childcare centre. after this stint, i'm pretty damn sure that i won't go into it again, ever. with the pay i'm getting... well.... its really not worth it. i'm paid peanuts but i'm not a monkey ya know.

but without a doubt, i've learnt so much about the child rearing business, as a parent and also an educator.

on the other note! two friends are visiting my adopted hometown (heh!). a couple of the besties are there, still. i'm envious! i'm missing down under so much that i dreamt that my good friend, thomas, drove me to berry (my favourite little, unique,town south of gong) during my nap time with the Kindy kiddos. that's how much i'm missing it there. how i wish i can just pack up and go. wishful thinking. SIGH.

for the time being, i'll just close my eyes and hit the rerun button on my time there.

selling myself

2007-02-27T03:51:00.000+11:00

SO... interview day today....

first, i came 40mins early and had to wait for an hour and fifty minutes (they were one hour late balls).

then, my interview lasted no more than 10 pathetic minutes.

the killer question that ended the whole interview was actually the first question the board of interviewers gave me; Can you tell us about yourself?

waaahhhhh... what was i supposed to say in front of seven professionals? its really like 'promoting' myself (bak pepateh isi bakul, pikul sendiri).self praise is no praise at all ya know. eerrrr..... i'm gorgeous, i'm attractive and i can get people to listen to me. i painted my nails and ironed my skirt before i came here. bacause you guys were so freakin late, i had to wait for almost two hours to get in this boardroom. oh yes, i had absolutely zilch idea that there'll be SEVEN people interviewing me. i also hate the weather because it was so freakin hot and humid when i was on my way here but when i reached the building, the sky decided to start pissing. i like to dress up, as you can see, and i think your english, dear mister main interviewer, suck big time. actually, you should go for speech lessons to speak with less unfathomable accent. please ask me questions one at a time, i only have one mouth. oh yes, i have ADD and i'm sorry, what were you talking about?

aiyaaaaaaa....... seems like i've to send my resume to other places as well now.

down in the dumps........not really la

2007-02-23T02:28:00.000+11:00

-lunch and dinner dates tmr

-zila's engagement on saturday

-clear my final luggage on sunday
(i have a feeling i'm gonna start a war at home)

-interview and orientation on moday
(pray for me that i'll get the job, AMIN)

and on the 5th of march, lecture for a whole week and after that, i'm on my own for the rest of the semester. which is roughly about 3 months plus. and this will go on till next september, Insya'Allah.

the job will help me heaps for my portfolio. if masyita decides to stay longer, i'm as sure as how i believe that God exists that i'm gonna pack and join her there. well, that is if i don't bump into something totally new and unplanned- like what someone said to me. heh!

and for the record, i still miss my cat. its too late to bring him home now. now that he actually came back to the new owners after being MIA for about a week. he came back only skin and bones, dirty and shaking. the poor thing. i'm sick of it when people tell me that he might have been looking for me or he isn't happy with the new owners. well, i would have brought him home if it weren't for the mother, the weather here and how high i am in the air over here. when i think about it now, the cost of bringing him back isn't an issue. you can never put a price on something if you really love it and also if you don't want to live with the guilt, seriously. my consolation that i have now is that i truly believe that the new owners do really love him.

happier times

oh how i miss just chilling out with him. SIGH!

my biggest regret ....

2007-02-20T22:39:00.000+11:00

.....is to leave him when i left.

in fact, i think this is the worst decision i've ever made in my life (up till now la).

what u doing?

2007-02-20T02:36:00.000+11:00

i'm still a student la.

in lieu with the coming chinese new year

2007-02-08T05:44:00.000+11:00

i'm taking in orders for chocolate swirl cookies (a.k.a: biskot pusar).

100 pieces is roughly about 500grams = $18bucks.

i can't post any pictures up coz i'm not using my lappie and i don't have an online photo album (friendster tak guna).

dad suggested i take in orders. well, if dad doesn't think that they're nice, he would've NOT suggested it.

oh, it doesn't have to be because of CNY only la. i'm willing to take in your orders anytime. but u gotta tell me in advance ah.

and! if u want it in fancy schmancy bottle(s) with ribbons and whatever, it'll be an extrs $2 - $10 (or more!!) depending on the bottle type and decor. some people order cookies for gifts.

don't worry, i don't over charge. i know its not easy to earn a decent living.

PS: local orders only eh *jules grinning at milles*

miss miss miss

2007-01-26T01:13:00.000+11:00

as everybody knows, i only go out to meet up with the friends in the evening. apart from the fact that i'm a jobless loser, almost all my friends are working and well..... the weather's kinder in the evening, yes?

everytime i get ready, i picture myself leaving unit 2, kiss my kitty goodbye, tell him to be good and that i'll be back soon (that's nothing but a lie la. i was never back 'soon'). i picture myself walking down foley street, pass the service station, take the shortcut to beaton park, the tunnel and then i'll reach the mall. or sometimes, i picture myself walking down porter street towards the train station, catching the train to the city.

and then i walk out of my room (shared nonetheless) and get a reality punch in the gut. i'm back in bedok. i'll be walking up the hill to catch the mrt to my destination. there ain't no trains, there ain't no foley street nor porter street. heck! there ain't no more unit 2 anymore.

i miss my lovely friends.
i miss the apartment i called my own.
i miss my long train rides.
i miss the beaches, oh those lovely beaches.
i miss cooking and baking.
i miss chilling out at my own apartment.
i miss silk road chinese restaurant.
i miss darling harbour.
i miss market on the rocks.
i miss going to lectures and tutorials.

but most of all......

i miss my shehmoo.
:(

ps:milles! no more blog! call me la. heh!
masyita! i saw ur nephiphoo! aku gigit dia. don't tell the parents eh! heheh!

JETTA EXPRESS

2007-01-22T18:37:00.000+11:00

the worst freight service ever.

i called jetta to collect my boxes on the 27th dec. they said they'll charge me an extra 40bucks for having to collect the boxes from my place. fine with me. renting a van and paying for petrol will be more expensive anyways. the courier guy from a different company came and delivered my boxes to jetta sydney. along with the boxes, i gave them the list of the number of boxes and the content of the boxes as well (i'd like to think we're that efficeint and helpful). we also didn't pack more than 30kg per box so it'll be easier for the guys to carry the boxes. on the list of boxes, i had 18 boxes. so that's my 27th dec story.

the next day, 28th dec 06, a guy by the name of greg called me up in the arvo at around 3 to confirm with me the number of boxes i had. he said, according to the courier service docket, i have only 17 boxes while my list said i have 18. he had to call me about three more times to confirm that i had 18 boxes indeed. greg told me about the bill and it was pretty exorbitant. i asked him to break it down to me and apparently, i was chagred 70bucks for the delivery service from my place to jetta sydney's office. CHEH! well, since i'll be sharing the costs with the now exhousemate, i thought, problem settled........NOT.

when i received my boxes a couple of weeks ago, i had 17 boxes only. i called up jetta and the manager picked up. he said the document he had of my boxes stated that i had 17 boxes and that was that. i tried to explain to him that greg called to confirm with me that i had 18 boxes that next day and he said no, his black and white said i only had 17. and besides, greg works only in the arvo. (???????) i was getting pissed, naturally. the store manager didn't want to listen to me. i tried askin for his name and he said i only needed to know that he's the manager for jetta sydney. waaaaa...... he got me into a screaming fit. i accused him of drinking and taking drugs while at work and he thinks i'm the one doing just that. he claimed that he hasn't touched a drink for 25 years(he sounded proud of that, good for him). then dad also talked to him. dad said there was a screw up somewhere (note: dad didn't point any fingers to anyone okay) and the store manager got so defensive and said he didn't screw up coz he didn't handle my boxes. yes, yes, put the blame on other people mister store manager.

so we called jetta melbourne and we found out that his name was dave. dave oh dave. the lady we talked to told us to call dave back and tell him that lyle asked him to do something about it. which we did, which he didn't. dave accused us of lying to him by makin use of lyle's name (whatever) and he said he called SIA sydney and basically, we weren't getting anywhere. (we were using SIA to cargo the boxes). screaming fit part II began and ended (let's not get into the ugly details).

we took many days and a whole lot of overseas calls to melb to bug JETTA about my missing box. the thing is, if its the last box (box number 18) that was missing, that would be fine... a mistake but a more commonsensical one. it was the box in between that was missing and THAT didn't make sense to us. jetta said they'll get back to me but its been ages now, not even an e-mail. i was also promised an e-mail on the breakdown of my bills, still none.

a week ago, josephine from singapore called me. she's working at the changi airport baggage service and said she's got my box. scrfeaming fit part III began.... but this was the happy one, of course.

so there. if you plan to make use of jetta, you can dig your own grave. the service is poor and very very dodgy. they said they'll charge me at a very low price but they didn't.

okay, different story here.

i'm staying home today and i've been drinking water. been to the toilet a few times and my mum actually keeps track of the number of times i went to the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my gawd! what's up with her? i seriously want to live away from her, really. what next? she'll count the number of underwears i have and will question me if i'm missing one? how creepy is that!?!?!

breaking out

2007-01-20T04:21:00.000+11:00

been back for almost 3 weeks. the weather has been kind most of the times, i'm so grateful for that, Alhamdulilah. however, my skin is suffering the worst breakout ever. i hate my skin, really (but i thank God for not giving me any skin disease ah. this can be tackled, right God?) i miss down under, badly. no doubt about that. been looking into postgrad at the oz open house day. yes, i really want to go back and study.... there. heh! i love the solitude there. where i know no one and no one bothers me. where i meet people as and when i like (or when the friends would like to see me). i love the abundant fresh salads in woolies, coles and aldi. i'm missing the spirituality i find in Islam there. its different here...

i went to the congragational prayers today and i just find the event a tad superficial. i see people yakkety-yekking with each other while the guest ustazs were giving their valuable lectures, i see people leaving the event really prematurely (they may have their very good reasons, no less).....

oh well.. i guess i'm just whinging la. i miss it there.

next entry: service with jetta freight. (terrible, terrible, terrible)

PS: i finished unpacking 11 of my 12 boxes! wootwoot! 1 more box on the way (like i said, jetta's service was plain horrendous). 2 suitcases packed with clothes still waiting to be opened up.now that would be the biggest problem.

if they say

2006-12-29T23:16:00.000+11:00

DON'T LEAVE A BURNING CANDLE UNATTENDED.

then u'd better treat it freakin seriously mate.

gua mau mati wooohhhhh

2006-12-22T23:21:00.000+11:00

now i know why i don't want to go home at all.

the packing's killin me!
i have so much clothes that i need three extra large vacuum bags.
i have some homeware as well (for my own house- talk about looking ahead into the future).
i have some stuff from the aunt, cousin and friend that was left behind when they were here last june.
it's sucking every bit of energy i have in me.
i have so many things that i've accumulated these past three, albeit short, years.

i've learnt my lesson.
i don't ever want to move house.

untill i get my own apartment la that is. heh!

i can smell bedok already

2006-12-19T14:40:00.000+11:00

but i don't wanna leave just yet.

i already miss my room (dad took over since he came).

i haven't had enough of living by my own but then again, i don't wanna leave off dad's moolah. he needs it for his own retirement.

i need to start working ASAP but i'm not done with studying yet. and! i owe heaps of money (thanx to the three years here) to the dad, also.

i don't wanna know how long more i have but its too short to not know (besides the reminders of how many more days i have left. yes, DAYS. not even months!)

i counted down the weeks i've left here earlier this year but i've stopped. now, i can't escape from it even if i don't look at the calendar.

i sound depressed but i really am not. i'm just mellow.....

oh well.... not anyone can spend their new year's day in two countries, rite?
i'll be saying 'so long' to sydney and 'hi again' to bedok soon... too soon.

something tells me i'll be back. maybe not for studies (hopefully it IS for studies again -AMIN!-) but i'm sure i'll be back. sooner or later.

status: unemployed (officially)

2006-12-13T00:55:00.000+11:00

so i got the piece of paper today. big deal. :p

u drive me crazy (ala britney)

2006-12-08T06:34:00.000+11:00

its been almost 3 days that i have two cats at home. one is passive aggressive (shehmoo- mine) and the other is just plain grumpy and aggressive (thomas- milles'). its been a learning experience for both rosie (the current housemate) and i.

why? becaus i realise that shehmoo (mine) is plain annoying and mischievious (pardon me if the spelling is not right). thomas doesn't want to come close to shehmoo but shehmoo just looooooves to creep behind thomas' back and pounce on him (playfully). this irritates the hell out of poor thomas who's been whinging to us to let him out, which, in fact, was what he just did 24 hours ago by pushing open the screen at the window. by the time i came out of the unit, he was long gone. shehmoo was staring at the hole in the wall (we don't have grills here. so an open window without a screen means a hole in the wall).

at this point of time, as i'm typing this, rosie is talking to thomas (more like she's talking to herself la) and is coaxing him to relax. haha! its funny seeing and hearing how we talk to animals like as if they understand us. rosie scolded thomas like thomas was a two year old misbehaving earlier on because he was disturbing shehmoo (things seem to take a turn in the early hours of the morning when thomas is whinging to go out and shehmoo is more subdued).

oh God, let the two brothers get along fine. i'm pretty sure shehmoo would love to have a playmate (and a mate too for that matter). AMIN!

ps: thanx anon. i know i'm pretty. God blesses us in different ways. i'm sure u're beautiful too. :)

i have not forgotten

2006-11-26T05:19:00.000+11:00

i told a friend that i'll hold a barbie (BBQ) if i come back for good early next year, if i pass all my subjects. so here's my word that Insya'Allah, i'll hold the barbie once i get my 'new' life's momentum going on smoothly. if i forget, then do remind me. if u remind me and i say i've already held it, then sorry eh.... i kan pea brain. heeh!

on the other note, the friend is here for a week. i'm praying very hard that he won't irritate me (he has a knack to do that, consciously or unconsciously, really). and i'm also praying very hard that it wouldn't be a boring and disappointing trip because i'm no boring person hokay (well at least i think not la).

and i realise that i haven't been putting up photos for quite some time. hmmmmm.... soon la. nothing that i think would be of interest for the time being, unless u want to see the cutest, most adorable photos of my cat in action (read: SLEEPING).

*grinz*

jules jembu is baaack!!

okay dah, bye!

PS: thanx su! (malas nak reply at tag board la. heh!)

its not just getting there

2006-11-25T00:22:00.000+11:00

okay... gotta admit that i wasn't too pleased with my grades. well.. not pleased at all. but i saw this badge that explaymate gave me...

its how you get there.

that made me kinda proud of myself a little bit. a little bit only la.

ADDor not, dyslexia or not, i've never asked for any extensions for my assignments during my course. i've never taken an MC (or a doctor's certificate as they call it here) just to get some leniency for my exams or use it as an excuse to go for the sub paper. i've never applied for special consideration when i was mentally disturbed or was fasting just so that the markers would take it easy on me or so i can hand in the essays late. i took all my tests on the scheduled day, i didn't crash tutorials that were later than mine just so i can have the extra time to study. last minute or not, i always did my presentations on time (there was once i realised i had a presentation only the evening before it was supposed to be presented!!- and i had decent marks for it too. not good, just decent enough). apart from the 1st year hist paper (think OZ studies and soc103 here), i've never had any help in my assignments either, besides the discussions about the stats assignments.

so there. i earned my cert fair and square. my cousin told me that an aunt said 'i action kalau dah pass' when i said i didn't care if his momma made rendang coz i'm coming back, real soon (sabaria has started the countdown. i don't even know how many more days i've got here). well, seriously, i don't feel any different having the little piece of paper. when i just can't be bothered with you, i just don't bother. so if i'm acting all bitchy and snobby, its not because i passed, its coz i just can't be bothered with you.

ALHAMDULILAH

2006-11-22T18:42:00.000+11:00

my life as an undergrad is OVAH.

thankyou all who prayed for me.
much appreciation.